Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Where Are You When I Need You the Most?

I have bipolar disorder. That is not secret. There are times when I am angry. Other times I am sad. I have extreme mood swings that are subdued by psychiatric medication. 

As I ponder the world around me, I think of all the people who behave like total jerks. They allow their temper to rise and shoot harsh words out of their mouths to total strangers. Some yell from afar. Others will stand inches from another person's face looking for a fight. These instances seem to be acceptable behaviors for some people. Some may say that it is just part of their explosive personality. If I were to display the same bad behavior, it would be frowned upon because I have bipolar disorder.

Then there are times that I am emotionally distressed. Please do not think that I do not care for people who are having a hard time. I can relate to them because I have low feelings as well. When other people cry out for help, they get sympathy and support. When I am in one of bipolar depressions, some people think that I just need to get my crap together and get over it.

"Normal" people are allowed some slack. I feel that since I admitted that I have a mental illness; most people have turned their backs on me. People's behavior towards me has changed.

Don't get me wrong. I am not bitter. Maybe I am being sensitive. On the other hand, maybe I am insensitive. I guess it just depends on what side you are on. 

On facebook, people who are having a hard time get a lot of sympathy. Countless people will run to the aid of a troubled friend. Their posts get a large number of responses.

"I'm sorry that you are angry. Call me if you need to vent."

"So you are having a bad day? I am here for you. Let me know what I can do to help."

Is it my imagination or are people different around me? I appreciate the kind comments from the few people who are concerned about me but I often ask, "Where is my parade of caring people who are flooding my page with love and support?" I can just imagine the thoughts going through other people's heads.

"She has a mental illness. She is scary."

"I wonder if what she has is contagious." 

"I think her meds need to be adjusted."

I used to get a large number of sympathetic responses before I announced to the world that I had bipolar disorder. Why did I get attention when my problems were trivial? Now that I am dealing with a problem that is more serious, where did my support system go?

I am not the only one with a mental illness that has this problem. It is very common. It can be very lonely. It feels as if people like us have to tough it out alone. These people probably ask the same question of their friends and family that I do. 

Where are you when I need you the most?
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