We are working through this together. Despite what it may appear to be, our lives are not always full of roses and rainbows. We have real struggles just like everyone else. Her disorder makes our marriage challenging at times. Bipolar disorder affects our daily lives.
There are many reasons that we go through this cycle often. She regularly forgets things. To her, we have had many déjà vu moments. Memory issues are common in someone who has bipolar disorder.
We often repeat the same conversation because does not remember having the conversation in the first place. It's a lot like the movie 50 First Dates or Groundhog Day. Reliving a previous argument or the same conversations can be uncomfortable. Even though she does not always remember the details of our conversations, I know she remembers how it made her feel. It affects her mood at the time that these conversations are happening.
When I can recognize the direction the conversation is headed, I will try to lead us in a better direction than before. I try to avoid saying the things that would trigger her to become upset. There are times when I totally get it wrong and I end up making it worse. These times I feel like that it would have been better if I would not have said anything at all.
Getting upset just makes things harder. When she starts in on me I need to step back and let her vent. I wait out the storm. Her mood will change eventually. Understanding this takes some of the sting out of what she says. Being able to separate what is the real Jane and what is coming from her illness is something I am still trying to learn.