I could have easily responded that I was doing great. In the cyber-world she could not see the look on my face or hear the tone of my voice. In the real world I would force a smile, hoping to look convincing.
In the privacy of my home, I let my guard down. My husband looks at me and asks , "What's wrong?" I say, "Nothing", and look away.
My doctors know about my feelings. Whenever I see one of them, they always asks me how I would rate my feelings of suicide on a scale of 1 - 10; I always give a high number. The other asks if I am in danger of self-harm. I say no. Every time I use the same reason.
Over a year ago, I lost a son to suicide. Our family was devastated. I wouldn't want something like that to happen to us again.
I will not kill myself, but I often think about ways I could die.
I cannot kill myself, but I wish that I could go to sleep and not wake up in the morning.
Even though I know better...
I Wish I Was Dead.
