Monday, December 29, 2014

Say Hello to My Filthy Mouth


Jane:  It has been said that people who swear are not intelligent. Those who use colorful language have a limited vocabulary. I did a Google search to find the old adage so I could use the quote for this blog. Instead, when I began to type the words, Google auto populated the search suggestion “People who swear are more honest.” The examples that followed were articles from psychological studies.   

Nate:  As a child it was taboo to swear at home. My parents swore on occasion, but it was always justified or so we were told. My family believed in the theory of, “do as I say and not as I do”. I lived in a diverse community and the boundaries for swearing really depended on where you were at and with whom you were speaking. People who swore in public were looked down upon.

Jane I swear constantly. I frequently drop the F-bomb. The use of words that I consider to be “sentence enhancers” is a staple in our home. I am not above using cuss words in public. When family or friends are with me, some are mortified while others cannot hold back their laughter.

Nate:  Isn’t laughter often considered a sign of discomfort in awkward situations? Our children sometimes use some pretty colorful phrases that make others uncomfortable. If I hear it, I usually scold them and ask them to revisit their expression with less cussing to be more politically correct.

Jane:  In contrast to the way my husband reacts to our children using inappropriate words, I can’t help but laugh when they say them. Unfortunately, they follow in my footsteps. They even have come up with more creative, ingenious uses for using bad words. Secretly, I am proud when they come up with cleaver ways to mix in swear words in everyday conversation. I cannot stay “Do as I say, not what I do.” That would be hypocritical.

Nate:  Much of the time, the bulk of Jane’s swearing is directed at me. We have a ritual.
Jane:  I regularly tell Nate, “Fuck you.”
Nate:  I usually respond by saying, “Yes please.”

Jane:  I have been working with my psychologist about my issue with impulse control. He suggests that I should take a moment to think before I speak in order to decide if what I want to say is necessary. This exercise does not come easy for me. I constantly call my husband an asshole when we are having an argument. It has been discussed that instead of using that phrase, I should replace it by saying “I am angry at you” or “You hurt my feelings”.

Nate:  She is getting better at using her words. I know when she says, “I am angry at you” or “You hurt my feelings”, she is still calling me an asshole. Same meaning, different words.

Jane:  Sometimes my outbursts can get me in trouble; especially in public. This summer while in Walmart a woman was acting over dramatic because our aisle was blocked with too many shoppers. I said, “Some people need to pipe the fuck down and be patient.” I purposely said it loud enough for her to hear.

Nate:  When this sort of thing happens in public it can be amusing, but I am usually hoping they did not hear what my wife said or that the recipient does not realize she was talking about them and retaliate. 

Jane:  Just before Christmas my husband and I were taking a walk at the marina close to our home to look at the lights. My son and his girlfriend accompanied us. As we strolled around enjoying our evening, my son’s girlfriend informed me that as a man rushed past us he said, “I don’t know what the big deal is. They’re just lights!” That made me angry. I told my son’s girlfriend that if he wasn't so far away and other people's children were not nearby I would have yelled, “Fuck off. I’m blind!”

Nate:  We are lucky that she did not have the chance to voice her feelings. I was worried that the guy would come back and attack my wife. My son and I would have had to intervene and shield her from him.

Jane: He could have just apologized, said that I suffer from a mental illness, and led me away. He would not have been lying.

Nate:  This would not have been the first time I have had to step in and diffuse a situation. I am pretty good at stopping things from escalating before it gets ugly.

Jane:  Just the other day we were at the grocery store. As a woman passed us with her cart she looked me straight in the eye and gave me a dirty look. I looked up at my husband and asked him if he saw her give me a look.

Nate:  I smiled at my wife and affirmed that the lady had scowled at her. I put my arm around her and said, “It’s OK. Just walk away and ignore it.” I lead her to another aisle while she looked around searching for the woman. She told me that she wanted to find her and call her a bitch.

Jane:  I kept repeating a mantra in my head. “Take a deep breath, the doctor told me to watch what I say. Take a deep breath, the doctor told me to watch what I say. Take a deep breath, the doctor told me to watch what I say…”

Nate:  Learning how to watch what she says and filter out the profanity is still difficult for my wife. She is improving. I would feel sorry for whoever catches her during her lapse of judgment, but the recipient will probably be me.

Jane:  At the latest visit to my psychologist’s office he told me that he and my psychiatrist discussed my case. It was suggested that my swearing is not a part of having bipolar disorder; it is possible that it is just a part of my personality.

Nate:  When I heard this news from her I was not sure if I should be happy or concerned. It’s common for mood disorders to coexist with personality disorders. I always thought she might have a personality disorder.

Jane:  It is said that the first things that comes out of your mouth is usually your most honest feelings. In my case, honesty might not be the best policy. At least not until I get my smart mouth under control...


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