Thursday, July 31, 2014
I do not have a journal or diary. Over the years I would to start one by writing my thoughts in a notebook. I would always end up abandoning the project after a short period of time. I was usually in a depression stage whenever I would feel the need to write. The things that I wrote about were very dark. I suffered from a great deal of emotional pain during my teen and young adult years. I did not like the idea that someone would come across my diary and read my private thoughts and feelings.
Whenever I would look back at the things that I had written in my journal, I would not like what I saw. I would think that the journal entries were terrible. Usually, it was because I would be in a happier place whenever I took the time to reread my words. Without much thought, I would rip out the pages of the notebook and burn them. Each time, getting rid of the evidence was cathartic. It was a release from my pain. I would often think to myself, "Why would I want to keep a record of negativity to remind myself of how horrible I have felt in the past?"
I have never considered myself to be a great writer. Despite my inability to compose a literary masterpiece, I write because I am passionate about my cause. The journey of self discovery and reflecting on my past has not been fun. I think that my mission is more important than my insecurities. I believe that being open and honest about my journey will show others that I am sincere with my attempt to educate them about my condition. I'd like to think that if others can relate to my words, it would help alleviate some of the stigma about bipolar disorder. I have hopes and dreams. I have fears and weaknesses. I am just like each and every one of you, but my brain is just wired a little differently.
Writing my thoughts for the world to see has not been easy. If I could erase every trace of my blog, it wouldn't change the fact that people have already read them. Parts of my life are no longer private. I have given up my privacy because I think it is for a good cause.
I am still trying to find my comfort zone when it comes to writing about a sensitive subject. I do it because I want to make a difference. My desire is to inform others about my world living with bipolar disorder. Some people have told me that they have learned new things from our blog. Others have found our words to be inspiring. Some have even called us brave for sharing our stories. In the short time since we have started this blog we have barely made a dent in changing the stigma toward bipolar disorder. Even though we have not made much of an impact, we need to start somewhere...