I Wish You Were Never Born!

My oldest son recently turned 25. A milestone birthday.  He did not want to celebrate his special day.

A few weeks before, he reminded me of something I told him long ago.

"I wish you were never born!"

I yelled those cutting words as he was leaving for school. Elementary school. I cannot imagine how he managed to get through the day. 

I am his mom. I should love him with all my heart and all my soul. Be his soft place to land. 

Instead I caused him heartbreak. Those words are burned into his memory. He will never forget. 

"I wish you were never born!"

I am the cause for him to feel that his birthday is not important. "It's just another day." His words spoken without emotion.

I think about it and I cry. I am selfish. This is not about me.

It's about him. How he felt then. How feels now. How he will feel for the rest of his life.

What kind of mother would ever tell her child...

"I wish you were never born!"