Jane: It has been said that
people who swear are not intelligent. Those who use colorful language have a limited vocabulary. I did a Google search to find the old adage so I could use the quote for this blog. Instead, when I began to type the words, Google auto populated the search suggestion
“People who swear are more honest.” The examples that followed were articles from psychological studies.
Nate: As a child it was taboo to swear at
home. My parents swore on occasion, but it was always justified or so we
were told. My family believed in the theory of, “do as I say and not as I
do”. I lived in a diverse community and the boundaries for swearing really
depended on where you were at and with whom you were speaking. People who
swore in public were looked down upon.
Jane: I swear constantly. I frequently drop
the F-bomb. The use of words that I consider to be “sentence enhancers” is a
staple in our home. I am not above using cuss words in public. When family or
friends are with me, some are mortified while others cannot hold back their
laughter.
Nate: Isn’t laughter often considered a sign
of discomfort in awkward situations? Our children sometimes use some pretty
colorful phrases that make others uncomfortable. If I hear it, I usually
scold them and ask them to revisit their expression with less cussing to be
more politically correct.
Jane: In contrast to the way my
husband reacts to our children using inappropriate words, I can’t help but laugh
when they say them. Unfortunately, they follow in my footsteps. They even have
come up with more creative, ingenious uses for using bad words. Secretly, I am proud when
they come up with cleaver ways to mix in swear words in everyday conversation.
I cannot stay “Do as I say, not what I do.” That would be hypocritical.
Nate: Much of the time, the bulk of Jane’s
swearing is directed at me. We have a ritual.
Jane: I regularly tell Nate, “Fuck
you.”
Nate: I
usually respond by saying, “Yes please.”
Jane: I have been working with my
psychologist about my issue with impulse control. He suggests that I should
take a moment to think before I speak in order to decide if what I want to say
is necessary. This exercise does not come easy for me. I constantly call my husband
an asshole when we are having an argument. It has been discussed that instead of
using that phrase, I should replace it by saying “I am angry at you” or “You
hurt my feelings”.
Nate: She is getting better at using her
words. I know when she says, “I am angry at you” or “You hurt my feelings”, she
is still calling me an asshole. Same meaning, different words.
Jane: Sometimes my outbursts can get me in
trouble; especially in public. This summer while in Walmart a woman was acting over dramatic because our aisle was blocked with too many shoppers. I said,
“Some people need to pipe the fuck down and be patient.” I purposely said it
loud enough for her to hear.
Nate: When this sort of thing happens
in public it can be amusing, but I am usually hoping they did not hear what my
wife said or that the recipient does not realize she was talking about them and
retaliate.
Jane: Just before Christmas my
husband and I were taking a walk at the marina close to our home to look at the
lights. My son and his girlfriend accompanied us. As we strolled around
enjoying our evening, my son’s girlfriend informed me that as a man rushed past
us he said, “I don’t know what the big deal is. They’re just lights!” That made
me angry. I told my son’s girlfriend that if he wasn't so far away and other people's children
were not nearby I would have yelled, “Fuck off. I’m blind!”
Nate: We are lucky that she did not have the
chance to voice her feelings. I was worried that the guy would come back and
attack my wife. My son and I would have had to intervene and shield her from
him.
Jane: He could have just apologized, said that I suffer
from a mental illness, and led me away. He would not have been lying.
Nate: This would not have been the first time I have had to step in and diffuse
a situation. I am pretty good at
stopping things from escalating before it gets ugly.
Jane: Just the other day we were at the
grocery store. As a woman passed us with her cart she looked me straight in the
eye and gave me a dirty look. I looked up at my husband and asked him if he saw
her give me a look.
Nate: I smiled at my wife and affirmed that the lady had scowled at her. I put my arm around her and said, “It’s OK. Just
walk away and ignore it.” I lead her to another aisle while she looked around searching
for the woman. She told me that she wanted to find her and call her a bitch.
Jane: I kept repeating a mantra in my
head. “Take a deep breath, the doctor told me to watch what I say. Take a deep
breath, the doctor told me to watch what I say. Take a deep breath, the doctor
told me to watch what I say…”
Nate: Learning how to watch what she says and
filter out the profanity is still difficult for my wife. She is improving. I would feel
sorry for whoever catches her during her lapse of judgment, but the recipient
will probably be me.
Jane: At the latest visit to my psychologist’s
office he told me that he and my psychiatrist discussed my case. It was
suggested that my swearing is not a part of having bipolar disorder; it is
possible that it is just a part of my personality.
Nate: When I heard this news from her I was not sure if I should be happy or concerned. It’s common for mood disorders to coexist
with personality disorders. I always
thought she might have a personality disorder.
Jane: It is said that the
first things that comes out of your mouth is usually your most honest feelings. In my
case, honesty might not be the best policy. At least not until I get my smart
mouth under control...
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