Sunday, October 26, 2014

Would They Treat Me Differently If They Knew?

So, my mom asked me to write a blog about what people would think if they found out that I have bipolar disorder. The question didn't really appeal to me, since I haven't been thinking of what people would think of me. I just slightly pushed it away, but the idea kept coming back to me. 

Would they think differently of me? Would my teachers treat me differently? Maybe as if I am a scary kid that had a bad reputation or would they treat me as a kid that did not understand the ways they taught? Would my teachers think that this mental illness suddenly pointed out that I could be 'dumb' in the eyes of others?

I mean, sure, I can understand if they would think that; but it's kind of rude singling out a student from your class just because they have a different way of how their brains think. 

For example, when the first day of school started, one of my teachers, seemed annoyed that I had lack of focusing on the subject. Sure, it was pretty boring, but I couldn't help but drift off and daydream or talk to my friends I haven't seen since the end of the previous grade. It annoyed me that my teachers would see it as immature that we'd make such a big ruckus on the first day of school; but come on, we were like animals that have been caged for a few months with only one chew toy, that by the way was already pretty wrecked and over used to the point that the seams over been broken and lay all over the place. Basically, don't look too much into the subject, I'm just saying we were excited to see other kids our age.

Like, some people would wonder if I would feel bad if my teachers treated me different because of the way I am, but what I said as an example to my birthgiver,  (lol its mah mom)

'I could really give less than a frick frack. Well technically, I would give no fucks at all. I apologize, if you think I gave any at all. Anyways, if my teachers did see me differently and decided to change their attitude towards me, I'd see it as a challenge against me. Not like, OH BEAT THE DRAGON AND WIN THE PRINCESS. More like, 'You think I'm going to disrupt your class? Well, you're absolutely right. I'm gonna disrupt the f*** out of your class. (BTW, I am having to censor my cuss words cause y'know, apparently i'm over the limit of of using sentence enhancers. Plus, I'm thirteen years old and I probably shouldn't be cussing at all. Hey, but if you're gonna argue with that, go tell all the other thirteen year olds to calm the fuck down. BTW again, I learned of them from my beautiful wonderful gracious graceful mother of these 'sailor' words. You can go thank her for making me into this wonderful creation of... uhh... [insert word that makes me sound very special and radical.)

Okay, that's totally off subject and reading that paragraph above has really ruined my sense of thinking correctly because now I don't really know what's going on anymore. Heyyy, did I mention my memory isn't the best? Probably... Probably not. Who cares. So now after this small intermission we shall go back to the subject of what people would think of me.

I know that some of my friends would think it's pretty rad to have a bipolar friend. I don't know why, but I have some pretty weird friends. But hey, at least they'd accept me for it. I know there'd be at least some people who would back away in disgust or fear of having a friend who isn't 'functioning' correctly in the head. Atleast I'll know who my real friends are. Oh wait, i've known the whole entire time because I just like keeping friends around me; Never said they were my best friends. It makes me feel as if I have power, and also because I need to have some 'friends' that I can use to my advantage. Sorry if this makes me sound evil and offends you. But some things have to happen for the greater good. Like having puppets. Puppets that you can manipulate to your doing and your plans. Oops, did that slip out? No, it didn't. You didn't read that. I think you may be hallucinating right now. Maybe YOU'RE the one who's crazy. Or maybe, just maybe, you snorted a little too much cocaine before surfing the interwebs. I would advise not to snort before searching. Okay actually, I advise you not to snort coke at all. These are words of wisdom coming from a child. Please. PLEASE listen. Drugs aren't the way to go. Or maybe. Maybe it's maybelline. Okay, let's get this straight. Drugs are a no no. I'm pretty sure your momma didn't raise a fool. RESPECT.

But anyways, I shall be saying goodbye for now. You'll probably hear from me later. Not now, but later. And by later, I mean I'll probably be procrastinating. That's just how I do. Don't think too much into it. Y'all seem pretty cool for actually taking your time for reading this. And if you have gotten this far, I would like to congratulate you by saying I will be getting my test results VERY soon and we'll find out whether I am bipolar or not for sure. If I am not bipolar, I guess you could say that after next week, it could be my last blog. Unless I can continue being on here for just saying things and messing around. Or, I'm probably going to guest blog as a child with a parent who has a mental disorder. Never said it was a bad thing. 

I hate to admit it, but making blogs is actually pretty fun in a way. Also, you guys should probably leave comments because y'know, just even a small comment makes someone's day; And I like comments. Comments are like cookies. They're good every now and again since the love they hold in the making. 

Well, see ya later Alligator.

In a while, Crocodile.

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